The Philosophy of | All Star (Smash Mouth)

This is the first of a series of "Philosophy," inspired by my lovely tendency to come up with good (bad) ideas.

All Star is a song that is known by all (except people that are still in 1989), and for that reason, I've decided it should be the first thing I go through the Philosophy of.

So without further ado, the sharpest tool in the shed brings..

All Star, by Smash Mouth (video)

1 Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
2 I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
3 She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
4 In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

This first stanza refers to how people who attempt to augment the flaws of others by pointing them out just make themselves look childish or even stupid, even though they're trying to reach the opposite goal.

5 Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
6 Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
7 Didn't make sense not to live for fun
8 Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

This second stanza says how as you get older, you feel less new experiences, and time seems to speed up. Steve relates to his past and how he ran instead of walked in order to not be caught up in the past. It didn't make sense not to live for fun to him, because if you didn't live for fun, what did you live for? He ends off this incredibly poetic stanza by saying "Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb." At first, it seems meaningless. Doesn't your brain and your head refer to the same thing? Well, not exactly. You see, in this sentence, he refers to how your "brain," or your level of intelligence raises, yet as your intelligence raises, your "head," or your childhood innocence, however, is lost because too much knowledge takes away your childhood innocence, and your sense of fun is lost as you fall into an adult mindset that requires you to be mature in order to survive.

9 So much to do, so much to see
10 So what's wrong with taking the back streets?
11 You'll never know if you don't go
12 You'll never shine if you don't glow

This stanza talks about how just because the front streets, or the most taken path, is not always the correct one because there's too much to do in life, too much to see, and yet not enough time to take the crowded, popular path. He says you'll never know if you don't go, which is true, and is even applicable in the quantum theory, with Schrodinger's Cat, an experiment that says you'll never know you don't even try to see, because there's no way to calculate if the cat dies or not until you view it. Steve ends off this stanza saying "You'll never shine if you don't glow," meaning that you can never be at the top if you don't start climbing down at the bottom.

13 Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play
14 Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid
15 And all that glitters is gold
16 Only shooting stars break the mold

This stanza is mostly motivational. He talks about how all that glitters is gold, referring to how quite a lot of things glitter, should be held to the same standard as gold. He ends off his view saying "Only shooting stars break the mold" to reference how the song "Shooting Stars" would break the mold (in the land of memes) around 9 years after All Star was released.

17 It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
18 You're bundled up now, wait till you get older
19 But the meteor men beg to differ
20 Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
21 The ice we skate is getting pretty thin
22 The water's getting warm so you might as well swim
23 My world's on fire, how about yours?
24 That's the way I like it and I never get bored

This stanza, aside from being the longest (8 lines) one, also offers some advice. He talks about how life is a crazy experience, but it'll just get crazier, and if you think life is hard now, you should just wait until you get older and then you'll know just how hard life is.

25 Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play
26 Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid
27 All that glitters is gold
28 Only shooting stars break the mold

This stanza repeats the third, possibly to emphasize the message.

29 Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play
30 Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show, on get paid
31 And all that glitters is gold
32 Only shooting stars

This next stanza is almost identical to stanza 3 and 6, except for line 32 when he doesn't finish his sentence. He does this because he knows you know the rest of the sentence, and he doesn't have to finish it in order to convey his message.

33 Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas?
34 I need to get myself away from this place
35 I said yep what a concept
36 I could use a little fuel myself
37 And we could all use a little change

Next, Steve tells a story of how once someone asked if he could lend some money for the purpose of getting gas for his car, so that way he can get as far away from where they are as fast as possible. He answers back by saying he could use a little fuel himself, in speaking about how all of us could use a bit of help. **Alert: you are approaching the reason this entire series was made** The next line says "And we could all use a little change." This could be in reference to how all of us could use a bit of money, or this is some evil, sick thing that Steve is saying to be cruel and change the point of what the man asked for entirely!

38 Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming
39 Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
40 Didn't make sense not to live for fun
41 Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
42 So much to do, so much to see
43 So what's wrong with taking the back  streets?
44 You'll never know if you don't go (go!)
45 You'll never shine if you don't glow

This stanza repeats the important philosophical impressions that are imposed within the stanzas before it. It also ties for longest stanza (8 lines).

46 Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play
47 Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid
48 And all that glitters is gold
49 Only shooting stars break the mold

50 And all that glitters is gold
51 Only shooting stars break the mold

Smash Mouth ends off his poetic masterpiece with words that will be remembered for centuries.

That is all the Philosophy that I personally could find within Smash Mouth's All Star. If I missed anything, or you have any comments and suggestions, feel free to tell me all of that below!

How to Ask for Help

I know this is stupid but my family, which is also unsurprisingly full of extraterrestrials, has the motto "If you don't know what you're doing, why don't get someone else to do it for you?", and I agree.

So, I guess that's what this is.

Step 1: Ask them to post this blog's link on social media.
Nobody will do this, but if they do, I'm grateful.

Step 2: Don't publish this post.
Note to self: you're a failure

Step 3: Wonder who else would read this at all.
Seriously, even if I did in theory publish this post, who would care enough to read. I didn't care enough to read it.

Step 4: Try to come up with original ideas.
I failed at doing this.

Step 5: Finish the post

Bye.

How to Beg for Subscribers

So today, I was looking at my sub count, and I noticed I had a nice, big, rounded number: 2. Why is this, you ask? Well, I don't know, and it makes me sad, so I decided to make a guide about begging for subscribers.

Step 1: Point out the fact you have a guide on specifically how to subscribe.
Yes, that's right, guys! There is an actual guide on how to subscribe! All you need to do to find it is look at the top left corner of the page! I know you can do it!

Step 2: Remind them that subscribing isn't that difficult.
You know, if you don't have an email, I guess subscribing might be hard, but if you do (and most people I do have an email) then it's quite easy! Mine is inserttheemailyouusehere@gmail.com, which I use for a small portion of my daily activities.

Step 3: Don't just remind them to subscribe, but put the link to your subscribe guide in the post you're asking for subscribers in.
This one's mean. So I'm not going to do it. Why? Because, well. Actually, it's because it's on the page, and I feel like it would seem ludicrous of that was my train of thought.

Step 4: Realize the writer of this is clinically insane
What? Why? I didn't write that! The guy next to me did! Oh, okay, this is bad, now everyone knows.. everyone knows I'm insane. Including myself! I didn't know this! How can I handle this new found knoweledge!

Step 5: Realize this blog is a joke in the eyes of yourself and everyone who's seen it and nobody's ever going to care, and become depressed.
Oh.. Okay. I'll just go.. you know.. Do this. Haha, got you! I'm not going to use the noose to hang myself, I'm actually making a cool hanging table, and I want it to be able to stay up. Hopefully that works, wish me luck.

Step 6: And that's all for today! Don't forget to like and subscribe, so you NEVER MISS A POST!

How to How to

Guide Format {Remove before posting}

How to How to is a hard thing to how to but you have to how in order to to.

Step 1: Uppercase H
If you do not begin with an uppercase H, you cannot complete the phrase "How to." It is preferably in uppercase just so that way you can look more professional

Step 2: O
This second letter sets up for the rest: if you choose it to be uppercase, you must make the rest of the letters uppercase, or you could end up with something like this.

Step 3: W
Follow the same rules for Step 2.

Step 4: Space
How unexpected? Between how and to you have a space. Try doing an uppercase space for me though.

Step 5: T
Follow same rules for Step 3.

Step 6: O
Oh, abandon all the rules at this point, you're going to do whatever you want to do!

What mine looked like:

How tO??

How to come up with Original Ideas

Have you ever needed to write a book before? Have you ever wanted to? Are you bored of doing whatever you're used to? If you said yes to any of these ideas, then this is the right guide for you! If you didn't say yes to any of those, then, well, what are you doing here? You're reading, is the answer. You're welcome.

Before we try to come up with original ideas, we must first wonder and question to ourselves, "What is an idea?"

According to Google, which you should be able to find by looking up into the sky at the drones surveying- I mean, being used for non-surveillance purposes, a thought or suggestion as to what you should do next.

Now, if we were to look at some of the good ideas, and came up with a list, of the top 10 ideas, you'd find out that all of them were already written down as full ideas for stories.

My normal suggestion for when you can't do the BEST, is to go do the WORST. However, in this situation, the top ten worst ideas are ALSO already in books! So the solution is to go for mediocrity. It's the only way.

Mediocrity is simply the middle. However, if you look at the precise middle of infinity ideas, you'd find that that idea has already been used to write stories!

At this point if I were you I'd just give up. However, I am not you, and so therefore you will not give up.

(Probably) Intermission.

If you are questioning the sanity of the writer of this at this point, I must welcome you to the club! Because, I am indeed clinically insane. Probably.

(Probably) End of Intermission

Now, that we have found that all the good, bad, and "ok" ideas are all taken, the solution is, to go to the middle, and go down one step, and continue doing so until you find something original. If you continue doing this and find the bottom, go back to the middle, and start going up. I can give you a 99.99(with an infinite number of nines)% chance that you will find an original idea.

Good luck coming up with your mediocre to terrible ideas!

{Teaser} World Story

So, I was sitting around the other day, looking at a wall, when I thought, what about a story that encompasses the entire lifespan of a civilization, including the time before it? And it was at said time when World Story was born.

Now I will be hard at work creating World Story, and the first release will be published before the end of the summer, at least I hope so.

And that's all.

How to Use a Chainsaw

Everyone should do this.

Step 1: Find a Chainsaw

This is a very important step. If you do not FIND a chainsaw, you cannot USE a chainsaw, right? So find the chainsaw. Good luck.

They look kinda like this. 

Step 2: Stare intently at it for a while.

Before you use the chainsaw, you should get to know it. Ask it's name, have a spot of tea with it. You should become good friends before you do whatever you're gonna do with it.

Step 3: Question your Existence

I'm not sure why this isn't a part of every guide I've written, but it sure as heck is important. If you don't question your existence, you don't have an existence. This is one of the rules of consciousness (I think? I don't know really.), that I made up. Or I read it somewhere and "made it up"? I don't know.

Step 4: Exist?

What comes after questioning existence? I don't know. Exist? Maybe, yeah, that's it. If you don't agree with steps 3 and 4 then you have just seized to exist.

Step 5: Does the Chainsaw REALLY Exist?

You don't know this, and neither do I. But what better way to find out than poking it. 

Step 6: Accidentally "Poke" the On Switch.

Oh, oh, oh no! You just!! 

Step 7: Watch as the Chainsaw digs a Hole into the Earth, and Never see it Again.

Oh, you just ruined it, look at that. Good thing more than one chainsaw exists on the face of this Earth. Get it? I said "face" of the Earth, because more chainsaws now exist underground than on the surface? Yeah, it's funny.

Step 8: Find a Chainsaw.

Hmm.. Where would you find another chainsaw? Oh, wait, I know! Go to Home Depot. For some reason I just have a feeling a chainsaw would be there..

Step 9: Don't hit the On Switch until you're ready.

Get ready, then. Yeah.

Step 10: You're Ready, now hit the "On" Switch!

You're now using a chainsaw! Congratulations! You are successful.

Guide to Life #8 | Almost a child

You're almost there! All you need to do to become a child is the following:

- Not go to the bathroom in your pants

- Stop falling down when you try to walk

- Start reading

- Realize you're reading

- Be surprised that you can read

- Stop Reading

- Bye.

(Sorry this one was short I didn't have much time to write it)

Guide to Life #7 | Philosophy of a Toddler

The Philosophy of a Toddler.
A toddler is a being that is not a baby, yet not quite a child. It is stages like these such as these that are widely ignored and put away as being "Unimportant" or less important than the baby years and the child years.

I, however, disrespectfully disagree.

And for that reason, I am writing, the Philosophy of a Toddler.

I do not know the cause for this, but the toddler year/years are always put off to the side! When you're a baby, it's so cute. When you're a child, it's so cute. But when you're a toddler? Well, who cares? You're not a baby or a child yet, so who actually cares.

It is the fact that nobody cares about this that makes it so important, and why more people need to realize that the toddler years must be appreciated. If they are not, though, what big deal, you question? Well, for many years, humanity has been de-evolving. I believe the cause of this is nothing but ignorance of how important the toddler years are.

If people ignore this, it'll lead to the ignorance of other things, such as the teenage years, and then what? Well, then we'll all be in trouble. Then, we'll be on to ignoring senior citizens- wait, we already do that.

If you're wondering how the ignorance of senior citizens started, I have the answer. Ignorance of the Toddler Years.

All of these problems start when you are a toddler, so these mustn't be ignored if we are to continue.

If you believe this as much as I do, please sign my petition.

You can find it here.

Thanks for reading this important post, and I hope that all of you stop ignoring the toddler years and begin to realize the truth.

Guide to Life #6 | What now?

Okay, so you're a toddler. You can speak. You can breathe. You can eat. You can do a few things that babies can't. But now what? Well, here are a few ideas.

Idea 1: Live.
This one's a small brainer, you just sit there and live. Eventually, you eat. Eventually, you ask for stuff to eat.

Idea 2: Think
This one's a medium brainer. You sit there, thinking, until you come up with ideas for how the world works. Oh, but don't forget to eat.

Idea 3: Think more
This one's a slightly-more-than-medium brainer. So you think. And then you think. And then eventually, you find ideas for how spacetime must work, and the meaning of life.

Idea 4: Don't live
Don't do this one.

Idea 5: Get up and stop reading, you're a toddler!
Come on, you're a toddler reading this, that goes against nature! Toddlers aren't smart! They're small dumb children.

Or not.

How to Spend your Last Day with a Group of People

(helpful guide #2?)
Alright, today's the last full day of school for me. I was thinking, "What would be a useful guide for everyone I know" and I found it. This guide was written in a smaller amount of time than the others I've lately made, so sorry if the quality isn't as high as the others. But either way, I'll stop stalling (as that lowers the quality further) and get right to the guide.

Step 1: Enjoy the time you have.
This step is the hardest, so that's why I put it first. You have to not think about how this could be the last time you EVER see this group of people. Of course, though, don't act like you're going to see them every day from now on. Be appreciative for the time you have, and try to spread happiness among the group.

Step 2: Talk about the Good 'Ol Days
This step is an expansion upon step 1. Its important for if you are going to enjoy the time you have, to reminisce in the past and not try to suppress these memories.

Step 3: Get in Contact
Find phone numbers, trade emails. Do whatever you have to do to get in contact. A good example for me is that I hate Snapchat, but since most of my friends are on Snapchat and it's a good enough messaging app, I'm going to use it to stay in contact. You do whatever you have to do to stay friends.

Step 4: Try to make friends with that one person you don't know
Even if they're known for being terrible, at least try. If it's all you do, you have to at least try to be friends. Else you're missing out on a potential friend, and that's not ok.

Step 5: Try to talk as much as possible to the people you got in contact with.
Now for a disclaimer, this doesn't mean be clingy. But try to not forget them. If you can, meet up in real life. Prove that it wasn't the last time for real. You can do it..

And that's all for today. I hope you enjoyed it! Yeah. Bye.

How to Subscribe v2

Do you want to know how to do things but don't know how to know how to do things? Do you want someone to tell you how to live your life? Do you want to learn in general? Well, I guess you've stumbled upon the right website, because this website is for you! No matter who you are! It doesn't matter if you're a college scholar, or a 10 year old, but this website will be PERFECT for you! No matter what!

Now, simply knowing that this website exists isn't enough, however. You know that school exists, right? But it does't help you simply by existing, either. It also doesn't really help you anyway. But that's a fact for another day.

If only there were a way to know whenever I make new content?

Well, there is! And it's called.. Subscribing! However, the subscribing process is anything but easy on this website.. Just kidding! Alright, whatever. On to the guide!

How to Subscribe.. With Pictures!
Step 1: find the blog.
Now, to do this is quite simple. You simply click here. If you were able to click "here" then you are on the blog, because this guide is on the blog.

Step 2: Look at the blog.
Look around you! This page could look pretty nice, right? Well, it does. And that's good.

Step 3: Look at the part of the screen labeled "Subscribe."
The subscribe function is at the top-right corner of the screen, and when you find it, it should look like this:

Step 4:
Then, go ahead and enter your email.

Step 5:
Hit submit.
Your screen should look something like this:

Step 6: Type in the captcha, then hit "Complete Subscription Request"
I won't show a picture for this step.
Step 7: then, go to your email inbox
My email at insertyouremailhere@gmail.com normally looks like this:

Now, I won't claim to be anything more than I am, so instead I'll claim to be less.

Anyway, once I clicked the "confirm my subscription" thing, I got an email. It was my first email. Ever. Not even joking, since I made this email account for the sole purpose of making this post. Anyway, once I got my email, I got a notification. I was so excited because it looked like it was working at this point.

Here's proof I got the email:

Step 8: Click on the email

Some emails are shady plots to phish for your info, but I can assure you this has a 0% chance of being one of those plots. Of course, simply bringing it up normally is enough to cause a bit of mistrust. But oh, fateful reader, please do trust in me! After all, this is about all I'm doing with my life..

It should look like this:

Step 9: You're almost there! Click the link!

Step 10: You're now a subscriber! Congratulations!

If you enjoyed this guide, thanks. If you didn't like this guide, go ahead and complain below and I'll try to be a better shell of a human being next time. Bye.

How to Avoid Fears #1 | Darkness

So, here's the first guide that will maybe actually be useful to anyone.
Avoiding fears is something we all will need to do some time in life. Now, most people have a normal set of fears. Death, bugs, darkness, etc.

Today I'll be going over how to distract yourself from one of these fears, and in the next guide you'll see some more. 

Fear 1: Darkness.

This one is something that still affects me today. If someone asks me if I'm afraid of the dark, I won't say, "Well, umm, technically, uh, yeah" I'll say "I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of what lies within.." A: because it sounds more poetic, and B: because I have a vivid imagination and I think of things that could be coming to kill me at any second.

Now, just being poetic isn't enough, however. If I'm poetic, does that make me unafraid of things? No, it doesn't. It simply makes me sound cooler. This is why I attempt to sound poetic. Either way, I will now show you how to be less afraid of what lies within darkness without keeping lights on all the time.

Situation #1: When going to sleep

So, the way this works is pretty simple. All you have to do is

Step 1: Get a good feeling for your room

This is so as to make sure you don't trip or fall on anything when you close your eyes later in this situation. You want to practice getting up, walking over to your light, closing your eyes,  then{pretend to} turn off the light, then going to your bed and lying down, so as to not open up your vivid imagination.

Step 2: Put your practice into practice

Do you know what's funny? The word practice can have two meanings. See, I'll google it to show you.

So, now that you know that, let's put it into practice. I could say, "Practice it, then put it into practice" and I'd be correct. You're welcome for that little tidbit.

Step 3: Do NOT open your eyes.

If you open your eyes at this point, then you have to walk back to the light, turn it back on, go back to your bed, walk over to the light again, close your eyes, turn the light off, and finally go back to bed. That doesn't sound like fun, does it? Well, it's not. At least I don't think it is. 

Situation #2: Power Outage

I'm sure all of us have experienced these, and I can say for one they're terrible. Why? Well, for one, the only means of communication you have post-that is your phone or nothing, your phone's battery doesn't last forever, and there's no lights. So here's how to deal with a power outage proactively.

Step 1: Find flashlights

Most households have these, but unless you're alien to the concept, they're pretty simple. They look like this by the way if you've never seen one: (It won't look exactly like this, but it's similar)

Step 2: Get batteries for said flashlights

This one's pretty easy. Just go to the dollar store I think? Or look around your house for them. Either way, this is arguably the easiest step on the list.

Step 3: Wait for a power outage

It'll happen any second now.. Nope? Oh, okay. Just finish reading this guide then I guess.

Situation #3: Late at Night

This one.. Oh, this one.. This is the one where you could really be in danger! For this, I have an undefeatable tool kit that you can use to make sure you're always safe. I will expand upon, in this section of the guide, how to complete the tool kit and what you'll need to know in order to use it. So, without further ado, here we go.

Step 1: Get a massive book.

For this one I normally go with The More than Complete Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which includes everything. Very useful, might I say so myself. This can be used either to A: calm yourself down, or B: as a shield.

Step 2: Get a towel

Don't forget your towel! Your towel defines YOU, and who you are. Your towel may say something about your personality, or how you live, or your truths and ideals, seriously. You is the towel. The towel is you. To expand upon the point, the towel can keep you both warm and dry. Very important and useful.

Step 3: Get something to carry it all in

If you have something to carry it all in, I think you'll be okay. I normally go for a bag, to be fully honest. It's the most reliable method to carry things around, I hope.

Success! You are fully prepared to face your fear!

If you were afraid of the dark, well, I hope this guide helps you out. This is only the first of several guides "How to Avoid Fears" guides I will be making! If you enjoyed the guide, like it, if you didn't enjoy the guide, dislike, and that's all for today! See you on the next guide. Or not, y'know.. It's really up to you.

Guide to Life #3 | GOOD Ideas.

So, since yesterday's "Guide to Life" was so negative, I've decided to be positive and say the only [insert number of ideas I have made here] good ideas there are in life.

#1: Living
#2: Breathing
#3: Sleeping (On a regular schedule)
#4: Not sleeping too much
#5: Not sleeping too little
#6: Eating a normal amount of food
#7: Not eating too much food
#8: Not eating too little food
#9: Getting vaccines and shots so you can say healthy
#10: Listening to the government and never questioning anything
#11: Make more ideas
#12: Make ideas that can make ideas
#13: Have your ideas that can make ideas make ideas that can make ideas
#14: Have your ideas have their ideas make ideas that can make ideas
#15: Have your ideas have their ideas ideas make ideas
#16: Repeat.
#17: Be good
#18: Don't be bad
#19: Don't be too good, either
#20: Rejoice that I made a post with more than 20 points in it.
#21: Get angry that the 20th and 21st points were meaningless.
#22: Have me make a "proper po-
#23: Read the next guide.

Guide to Life #4 | Evolving from Baby Level to Toddler Level.

So, you've been a baby for the past 3 guides, get it? You read all this as a baby. So now, it's time to learn how to evolve.

Step 1: Get off of your back, and start walking.
This one's pretty simple. Most baby's lay on their back all day, waiting for something to happen. But when they become a toddler, and on that day, they get up, and they walk. It's pretty simple.

Step 2: Start asking for things instead of crying about them.
When you become a toddler, most (I said most, some toddlers and even adults cry a lot) children decide that crying is bad, and that they should stop it. This is mostly because it's embarrassing, and they're finally becoming self conscious.

(Optional) Step 3: Go to Preschool
I remember when I was a toddler, my parents sent me to Pre-Galactic School. It was fun, except for the part that all the teachers were generals commanding armies 90% of the time. Once we almost died, but since the generals couldn't let children on board die, they had to actually try to win and won! You better be glad that children were on board or the course of galactic history could've been different!

Step 4:

Guide to Life #5 | Ascend.

So, you know the way, now do it!

Ascend.

Ascending, 1%.

Ascending, 20%

Ascending 50%

Ascending 90%

Ascending 99%

Ascending 99.001%

oh.

okay, we might be here for a little while. Come back tomorrow after the rest of the guide loads!

So, I made like three guides all at once. That's nice.

Guide to Life #2 | Bad Ideas

This is an important thing to know, there are a lot of bad ideas. Here's 20.

1: Not Eating
2: Eating too much
3: Eating too little
4: Crying too much
5: Crying too little
6: Being sad too much
7: Not being happy 24/7
8: Joking about homicide
9: Homicide
10: Being a child
11: Being an adult
12: Being a toddler
13: Not being a kid
14: Being annoying
15: Being angry
16: Not having friends
17: Having too many friends
18: Drugs
19: Getting hurt
and finally,
20: Suicide.

And that's all for today!

Guide to Life #1 || Starting Off

There are so many ways you could start a story, (or series,( or anything,)) but I just couldn't think of WHERE to start. So I decided to start off with the actual start. Of life. Also known as starting off.

Step 1: Become a baby.
When starting off in life, you must be a baby at first. We all start off as one, so you must start off as one as well. Once you're a baby, you've started off, but it's impossible to survive as one if you don't follow the next [Remember to add the number of steps minus step 1 here] steps.

Step 2: Cry.
Crying makes adults think you need stuff, and maybe you do, maybe you don't. We all cried as a baby, and we all pretended to actually need stuff, right? I wasn't the only one who was just pretending to be a stupid baby that cried, right? I hope so.

Step 3: Pretend you can't Walk
You have to do this. Either that or the adults think you're smart, and you'll be treated like a slightly older baby. When we start off we can't pretend to be smart even if we are.

Step 4: Pretend you can't talk.
This one is self explanatory I think. I think. I hope. I need.

Step 5: You are successful.
Good job, you have now started out. Good job. You are now a baby!

This has been the first guide in a series of [remember to put the planned amount of guides here] guides that I will make about living. Hopefully this first guide helped you out, and the next will too! Have fun as a baby, I guess.