How to Find Earth

I know, most existing creatures reading this are currently either staying on Earth for vacation, or live here in general. Some humans here don't understand that their planet is always being found by new visitors, and that of those visitors, only a few stay for more than a few hours. Much less for a few days. Completely impossible to stay for a few weeks. So I stay here forever, since I can't just stay here for a limited time since it's impossible to stay for a few weeks or days. It's unbelievably boring here, though, so I'm starting to regret my decision.

Of the people reading this, 10% are web crawlers, 20% aliens, 5% (intelligent) machines, and 50% humans. Not that bad. Anyway, I want to make that 50% go down to less than 0.00000001%, so I decided I'd help some of you all who can't reach Earth, find Earth.

Step 1: Look for Idiocy.
This step's easy. If you start to hear signals coming from Earth, a good way to differientate is how much stuff you get about drinks and foods that the species really wasn't supposed to have. Such as Coca Cola, for instance. There's absolutely no way that that all is good for humans, but they sip it up like they should be sipping on water. Who cares, though? Nobody. Nobody is the answer.

Step 2: Look for Humans.
Humans: What can I say about 'em? They have odd faces, but the faces themselves are fine. Nothing special though, sadly. So yeah, if you're looking for humans, look for average-looking species.

Step 3: Look for Pollution
This one's EASY. They're polluting everything. Like, everything. That's not even a joke. It's annoying, like, lay off. Stop pumping your trash around your pretty globe, it's disgusting. And that leads me onto my next step.

Step 4: Look for the most disgusting species ever.
This is the MOST IMPORTANT step. Humans are very disgusting. Instead of going into sleep chambers and automatically getting cleaned, they are cleaned by (and while being awake, none the less) they walk into and stand up inside of these cleaning chambers that are very very inefficient and should be replaced by the sleep chambers, but humans show no signs of stopping.

Step 5: Gratz! You found Earth!
You did it! You found the worst planet in the whole galaxy. Now, enjoy your time at this interesting resort of sorts. Oh yeah, and don't forget I live in [DATA EXPUNGED].