How to Sleep

Sleeping, to some, is the most easy thing to do in the world. However, I don't believe it is. There's one thing easier than sleeping.. creating an empire based off of food and taking over the world! Nevermind that, however, because it isn't sleeping it doesn't matter, today.

Because after all, who wants to take over the world? I'd rather sleep. So here you go, a guide about sleeping.

Step 1: Absorb (Eat) Some Energy (Food).
This is something that a lot of people do before going to bed, and for a good reason. Eating a lot of food at once can make one tired, and thus is the best method to do so. After all, why not? It's not like being awake is the best time to digest food, and anyone who says so is WRONG. And why would you say that? You say? Well, because I can. And you should listen to me.

Step 2: Put on Clothes that are Specially Designed to Sleep in
Most humans do this, actually. My species personally just sleeps standing up in a sleep chamber that bathes us and other stuff once we fall asleep, but humans enjoy sleeping laying down.

Step 3: Read Legal Documents
I have to do this every day before I go to sleep because otherwise I simply cannot sleep! Legal Documents are so interesting that it makes me excited to have dreams about reading them. One time, in a dream, I was just walking along, and then I found a library that just had legal documents, and I was so excited! Like, darn, was I excited. For the rest of the dream I read legal documents, and since them I've wanted my own library. (This means I may at some point make a collection of legal documents in Google Drive or something)

Step 4: All of what you did is about to go to waste, now go outside and run a mile.
Waste? Did I say waste? Whoops, I meant to say USE. Go outside and run an entire mile. Right before bed! Right after you read some legal documents, and put on clothes, and other stuff, you're going to want to do that.

Step 5: Absorb more.
I always have to do this after running my mile. I don't know why, I just like to eat a to have absorb a lot of stuff before bed.

Step 6: Read MORE Legal Documents
You're almost there! Now, just read more, and more, and more..

Step 7: Wait until Midnight to go to Sleep.
If you don't do this you're silly. Just sit there and literally do nothing. Interact with nobody. If someone walks up to you and asks if you're okay, do nothing. Literally. This is what you want.

Step 8: Fail at waiting until Midnight.
Normally, after about 6 hours of waiting I just pass out on my bed..

Congrats! You now know how to sleep! This guide has helped you grow as a person, and therefore made you better. Hope you enjoy sleeping.